There’s a sudden stark of silence after I insert the key and turn it to unlock the door for a private space with four corners. It’s a sign that it’s the end of another day, and there’s another one waiting after I took a rest and dark comes to wake me up. A place where no one’s waiting on the other side, no dog or cat to greet me with a tail waving to say hello… no family to remind me that the food is ready on the table and no better half to ask how’s my day… and no kids to jump at me for excitement. It’s no different than how I live my life before, but at least there’s something that I can see where I can make up stories that my life is awesome to other people like I have a place that I called home where people are cool and everything’s running so smoothly; uhm… I wish that life is like that. Though I love the peace now, but not that too much of the silence, it pushes sometimes to think of giving up, a result of worrying too much. I got my friends most of the time, and they are called beer and cigarette, they never left me feeling sad too much but till then, I know that somewhere in the future, I need to leave them to save my internal organs… then I remember a line in Ironman and it says
“You are running out of both time and options. Unfortunately, the device that’s keeping you alive is also killing you.”
And as for me, it’s them.
I miss home so badly…. but where? And it’s just sad that I don’t have the answers for that question for now… Just keep on looking… keep looking