Staring at the stars at night, worshiping how wonderful they are; without someone who agrees that, yes, they’re so beautiful indeed. Starting the day with a great cauldron of happiness and ends the day with a feeling of emptiness, and trying to gather scattered granules of happiness using a teaspoon that usually ends with frustration trying to find something; something that I can use tomorrow or another day, perhaps just to save a pint of something that can draw a perfect curvy line of a smile on my face. A never-ending search, an adventure that I need„, a proof that tells me “yes, I’m still alive and breathing”, wherein in the end, questions like ” then? What’s next?” followed by a single answer like “I don’t know”; a vague answer that triggers me to say something like,” well„, I’m going to do it again till I figure something else”. Blank mind; flatline„, strong thoughts pushing questions like, “do I need to continue breathing?”; with a small resistance that says, ” maybe I just need to breath more and hope that life can show me something different, like what if I decided to stop being alive and a minute after that comes something or someone that was made customized for me; then, in that case, they’ll be laughing at me on the day of judgment like even the sinners and the saints burst out laughing saying “dude,… bored?”, one word and a long pause and another word for the final punch line.
“Don’t forget to lock the door before you leave”,
phrase that that I’m tired of saying and wake up in the morning trying to find someone whom I really don’t even really know and she has to leave because we’re both strangers spent just a night to lessen the feeling of loneliness; instead of saying “please don’t forget to lock the door before we sleep” then tomorrow’s another day to try waking up so early before her.. then stare straight to her face till she wakes up and say “good morning… how’s your night… you’re getting prettier each day “; a couple of words to express how she runs along the tracks of my endless mind. Someone that has an opinion that might contradict or agree how the sunrise looks like that day, especially how the sunset that day and agree whatever she says so; that yes she right then realizes that I’m starting to grow up. Learning things like there’s always a way to meet halfway and to compromise is not a sign of weakness; something like one hates too much sugar and the other one loves too much sugar when it comes to coffee; wherein at the of the day, both shared a single cup of coffee having the right equilibrium when it comes to taste wherein it’s something that the universe’ required to let two entities survive as one.
Most men look for someone loaded with high specs like women with a super face value and vital stats that make them feel superior if they have the chance to hit Athena’s daughter; well it’s a rotted way of thinking I guess, well maybe they’re too pretty that they spent so much time enhancing their face instead of boosting up their brain. Women that make complex things look like simple is way much better than someone who makes simple things sounds like no one can figure it out, well hahahaha„ don’t have any explanations yet… don’t know why I wrote this third paragraph.
Maybe I just got so lonely that even a bottle of liquor can’t cure like maybe I need someone to talk to and some of them was generous enough to share their body and I’m so thankful with that; but the fact that the way things look like, it’s bad that it might give people around me that I like to play things like that. Most guys are proud of living their life like that but for me, it’s the saddest way to live a life; it seems like I don’t have the capacity to keep one that I can be with for the rest of my life. Giving up„, and be contented of things that last for a day, maybe it’s how my life was designed to run, wherein through the series of previous experiences made a stamp on my forehead that I’m not capable of sharing happiness with someone. To control too much attachment to persons around sometimes can be helpful, it lessens the fear of„ what if 1 day, they’re not available anymore. Well the best way to handle life is to expect the worst,… who says being alone is too bad; yes, it’s sad„, ei it’s just a matter of making my own entertainment, and it’s not that bad at the end of the day.
To find someone who can just stay and say “don’t overthink so much because everything’s fine” even the hour’s so dark and says “yes it’s so perfect” whenever the sunset’s so perfect that I can’t control worshiping how perfect it is. To have a conversation without moving our lips to say something; wherein the eyes speak louder than words …. (well it saves me from stuttering)