In between lectures, during some short breaks, spending the time to have some silence. Painting a vivid picture inside my mind, to draw a detailed description of how they smile and how they enjoy each conversation; laughing like nuts all the time. This is the way how I wanted my life to be. Deleting some of my gray pictured past moments in my life and replacing them with colorful pictures that pushes me more to exert more in every activity that we had and we will share in the future.
Well, days flowed so fine this week except for one, someone needs to leave the family, and I know that she doesn’t want that to happen; it’s just that her battle against time defeated her that she ended up having excess tardiness. She excelled on every aspect of the project that she can adjust and do well as a first timer that we, as a first timer too, tried to catch up with her skills and tried to learn from her. No one likes to let her go but unfortunately, the last decision is for us to decide. Things happened that way, but I’m sure that we won’t forget her and she’ll always be one of us even though she’s not with us today.
Though I have some problems to pronounce some words properly and suck in every exercise, I’m still finding ways to do more and catch up to prove that I deserve to be one of them, and not to let those people down, those who accepted me and gave me the chance to have a ticket to a great life. This is not just a job or a career, it is also my chance to face one of my huge fears in life and it is also something that I need to connect more to the outside norms that almost pin my confidence down and let me think that my chances are getting thinner each day that I wake up. Seeing my self talking in front of the whole team because of the free speech activity, and seeing the curiosity on their faces trying to decipher those things that come out from my mouth, is something that pushes me to express more, not minding the limited time because I’m so happy about what I am doing in front. I can feel that it is a sign, that I can overcome things that had held me back before wherein the only thing to do is to talk more, to be clear on every thought that I want to express.
Friday will be our final call simulation, and I want to be prepared for that, I need to speak louder and to have clear words without having the fear that I might not get it right. I know that talking to a machine is not enough; a speech recognition software used in an ATC simulation software that I installed on a PC? it might help me but I know that it isn’t enough. I need to practice more and pretend that it was the actual thing that I’m doing.
Even though that I’m not sure of anything that might happen tomorrow; the most important part is I know that I have fun during the days of the FT and that I made new friends, that I have some improvements in me as a person and as a newbie in this industry.