6 months passed so quick that it seems like I’m just fixing a CPU unit having a network problem. I imagine myself doing the same routine sometimes when days are so lonely, when I feel that I’m becoming a useless person, I miss doing those stuff, but I need to move to a new level of my career path and that’s something that pushes me to set my mind to a new set of thinking. I want to do something so different, something that I’m scared to do before, something that i can be proud of someday. I’m sketching a vague picture inside my mind, converting to images that I can imagine, and store it as a dream every time I sleep at night. Though it’s not a good thing to do because it might trap me and just live that dream inside my mind, I need to add some actions, for it make it alive, to be more colorful and something that I wish to enjoy someday. To start was not so easy, things are not like before, it’s just me, always a class A A-hole on everyone’s life; decided to isolate myself, in that case no one will irritated, every one can enjoy what they have, a better routine without me, well it’s what they’re wishing for and it’s just me who’s late on getting the message,, but the most important part was, I granted their unspoken wish.
I want explore new places, learn new skills, and to have fun in every seconds of my free time. I want overcome all my fears in life, things that often holds me back to start my quest for a happy life. I want to share those things to someone but screwed up all my chances, trust on me starts to fade as the clock ticks, and I’m scared of the time that it might reach zero, that I’m will be just a stranger to someone’s life. To be alone was something that I need to face, it’s a safer path but a dark one, that happiness will be something difficult to achieve. Things are getting weird each day but I’m trying to rewire my way of thinking, for me not to back in the dark, a cold place that I lived for years, a place that I don’t want to experience again.
i wish to capture amazing things, with my eyes and store it inside my mind, to laugh though laughing alone was a sign of sanity loss in a world full of norms and judgements. i can’t wait for that time, that someday, dreams will become a reality, to talk like a music, to appreciate someone’s smile like a painting and feel the rarest kind of silence. Just a day that I can say,, “I’m alive”.