A Freezing 1:20AM

Just woke up without any huge reason, it’s just maybe I can’t pinpoint one due to a lot of things inside my mind. All I can say right now that we talked about it and I need to trust her words; though it was somewhat difficult for me, having the fact that all radars went black and some things went deeper and more difficult to find. Just can’t say that logs are so different to what she was saying, because’ in this line of things that I’m good about, finding things that can’t be found, and to watch this nation’s secret not to be robbed by the yellows; there’s still doubts but I need to trust her. Though the message was not a message of assurance, it was something better than not having any answer from her; enough for me to keep calm and continue with the life I’m running.

It’s not good to intrude some privacy, but it was something that can help me to hurt myself and motivate more when it comes to improving my life. Maybe she’ll say something about when everything is in the right place that when the time comes, I wish I’m ready for it and it will be better when those words came straightly from her not from me begging her to say something about the logs, pictures, and browser’s cache or maybe recorded conversations. It’s not right to come up with a quick conclusion regarding those things, but I just need to see thing that I’ll be dealing in the future, things that when it just pops out, I might kill myself in an instant; wrong but I need to prepare myself and be ready for both, either good or screwed. Maybe it’s not a matter of trust, because I really trust what she says, everything, all of it; but things are coming with raw facts, things that split up my mind of believing or not. All things are not going well right now due to the fact that I’m in a perfect condition, not seeing things clearly, and my mind is so unfair when it comes to sorting things out; so maybe if I fix myself first and redo my thinking to those things again.

Though it was all in chaos and I’m scared of everything might end into fiasco; I need to trust what she says and if the time comes that the data sheets are right, I can still say that at least I experienced the happiest thing that I can have one, even though in just a short period of time., to know that someone shared thoughts with me and to feel that someone was thinking about me on the other end of the line in just a few  months,.. I must be thankful for everything…

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