As I start to spend my time here in a place where I call “Milkfish City”; there is a particular flashback that I want to keep playing in my mind, a memory that won’t be ever be deleted inside of me. It was just a recent memory where we have a drinking session in a place where they study aquatic resources; well it just happened that one of us knew someone there and asked a favor to have that session there. Almost as far from the city but it was one of the reasons why it was so serene and that air was so cool that I love taking some deep breaths as I think over things that might set all my plans.
The night went deeper and I initiated a relay of some plans to Baseplate02/Nameit002 via phone; because I need to use Milkfish City as my ticket to get back to all things that I left in Manila years ago. I can still remember how she went out of the door, I like what she wore that night, a fishnet-like shirt. Everything heats up after she started to walk towards me and tried to catch my attention which she was successful in doing it.
I can still remember how her eyes stared straightly at me and how she speaks so sexily, though she was just trying to just enlighten the night. It was a moment that seems like we made our own world, me and her, nobody else. The scent of her hair was so alluring and with her breath that I can feel on the side of my cheek as she tries to hear about the conversation over the phone. It seems that I can’t control it anymore, and I can say that it was not just a lust that I can feel that night; it was like I’m going to die the because I’m leaving The city of pines the next day.
I want to kiss her so hard that night and tell her that I’m going to miss her. It feels like I want her so bad that night, but still, I can’t do anything due to the fact that I’m guilty of myself, and I want to treat her so different, that it’s not just sex, wherein she doesn’t deserve a person like me to have that with her. Another thing was she might still have something about her boyfriend where there are some things that are still unclear between them. She’s acting so weird that night, There was a mixture of emotions that I can’t even identify what was happening with me. The fact that she was sad, or maybe having a side effect of a recent problem between them; was also something that holds me back and keeps the heat inside so I just tried my best to ignore her as much as possible.
Ignore as hard as I can, but when a part of my mind reminds me of what she looks like during the Christmas party; I can feel that I can’t control it anymore. I don’t know what to do anymore, and as she comes closer to me, It’s just like that I’m a monster that might devour her wherein maybe I’ll just let her sit on top of me as I feel her body heat and let her express her emotions, just any emotions, anger, sadness or anything and let her do what she feels like to do and follow where she wants to guide me.
Everything was so magical that night, a night that I can consider as magical without having an intimate act to some, wherein I still managed not to be my old self; a someone that can take that advantage.
I didn’t have the chance to say goodbye, I waited for her to return, with her best friend; but they didn’t, maybe it was a sign that I should stop what I am doing, or I’m not doing the right thing, like to let her feel that everything’s all right, and in that case I know deep inside, and it was so sad to say, that I don’t know how to comfort her because I’m a cold man,, I wish that I have that thing, that way of showing compassion.
Lunch break was over, and I need to get back to work